


When Beauty Was A Beast

by persephonereynolds



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Ambiguous Relationships, Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Post 2x09, Pre-Relationship, Short One Shot, guilt about Finn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-19
Updated: 2014-12-19
Packaged: 2018-03-02 04:28:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,567
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2799587
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/persephonereynolds/pseuds/persephonereynolds
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clarke and Bellamy meet up in the woods to discuss their plans but Bellamy has to comfort Clarke when she breaks down about what she did to Finn.</p>
            </blockquote>





	When Beauty Was A Beast

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fanfiction EVER. I didn't know how to get it beta-ed so please feel free to let me know if there are any massive mistakes!
> 
> Thanks for reading and please comment and kudo :)

Clarke didn’t have much time to spend wondering how woodlands covered in so much soft, green moss and leaves could also hold so many hard, sharp knives, swords, bullets, and syringes. Earth had lost its beauty when Wells died. Everything had been sharp since then. Earth meant war and war was inherently ugly. Still, today it was on the soft moss she walked; one foot in front of the other, trying to be silent. In the silence it was harder to ignore the sunlight making kaleidoscope shadows through the tree branches, the foreign, haunting bird songs, and the cool breeze that relieved her nervous sweat and teased at a coming cold season. Clarke breathed in the rare moment of beauty and let it draw the sharpness out of her memory for a few steps. Water splashing in the distance and the knife slid backwards across Wells’ neck, the buzzing of insects pollinating nearby flower and bullets removed themselves from the bodies of grounders, an orange leaf drifted from a maple and blood poured back into the veins of all those kept under Weather Mountain. For a second all was dazzling sunlight. Then she looked down at her hands, and all she could see was Finn’s blood.  


“Clarke,”  


She had reached the meeting point by the river and there Bellamy was, waiting with his hard, sharp weapons and their plans for war.  


“Bellamy,”  


The two leaders nodded their greetings. They had snuck out of camp at separate times, taking separate paths to evade Abby. The supposed ‘adults’ from The Ark had been on Earth a few weeks and suddenly believed that they were experts in the dangers and politics of the land. Neither Abby, Thelonius, or Kane had been able to save Finn, or kill him. Clarke had led the way, Clarke had saved their people. Both her and Bellamy understood it was their duty to save their own, the remainder of the hundred, without help from the government of the ark. That government had only done everything possible to ruin peace talks with the grounder, and make Finn’s death pointless. Indra was on the verge of waging war regardless of, and possibly against Lexa. Bellamy and Clarke both knew they had few options left.  


“I think we should leave tomorrow.” Bellamy cut to the chase. “We both know the peace talks are disintegrating, it’s time we do this on our own.”  


“Bellamy, I want to meet with Lexa, she’s the only leader who seems reasonable, she respects me. I really believe she’ll help if she got our message.”  


“And what if she didn’t?” Bellamy fixed Clarke with a stare, the kind that seemed to lock her in and stop her breath. In these moments when they stood, eyes fixed to each other, it forced them both to think more clearly. It was as if they were having a whole separate conversation without words, each providing the other with counterpoints to their arguments. Still, it only lasted a moment.  


“It can’t have been nothing,” Clarke felt tears forming in her eyes. Maybe it was the beauty of the woods that broke her down. How could there be anything wonderful left when Finn was gone? It seemed so unfair. But She hadn’t really cried yet. Yes, she had felt the knife slide into Finn’s belly, but awful as it was, it was also as if the knife was a key, and when she had pressed it into Finn she was unlocking the future of her people. She had a meaning to make the sharpness worth it. The world could be as ugly and as painful as it wanted, as long as she had a goal to work for. But now the goal was so close to being lost, and the thought of living in an empty beautiful world was so much worse than any grief she had yet experienced.  


Bellamy watched Clarke closely. He hadn’t known what to say since Finn had died. All he knew how to do was move forward with the plan, any plan. He only knew how to keep them both going through perpetual motion, but he could tell in Clarke’s face she was stopping, becoming still, and the pause it gave them both was terrifying. So Bellamy moved, this time towards Clarke cupping her face in his palm and resting his forehead on hers. She exhaled shakily, her breath against his neck, bringing with it a cascade of orange and red leaves around them, hitting their shoulders and swirling close to their bodies. Bellamy thought of all of the dangerous moments in nature they had experienced up until now, and thought to himself that in this moment he hoped the leaves would cover them up completely, and keep them safe, keep Clarke safe, and maybe they could survive the winter just fine on their own.  


They stood there for what seemed like a lifetime, ever so slightly pressed together in a whirlwind of sweet smelling decay. Then Bellamy felt a tear hit his hand and he pulled away slightly to examine the source.  


“I can’t stop feeling it on my hands, Bellamy,” Clarke whispered, tears rolling down her chin, “I can’t…my hands.” And with that her words melted into a sob, her fingers scratching at each other.  


Bellamy grabbed both her hands and brought them around his waist. He pulled Clarke in close, and held her waist and her head. He felt her tears, spit, and snot soaking into his shirt and he didn’t care. He still had no idea what to say, and he had forgotten for the moment what goal they were supposed to be chasing. All Bellamy knew in this moment was that Clarke needed to be held, and so he was going to hold her. This is what they did for each other, led when the other couldn’t , or didn’t know how, held the other up when they were about to fall. They needed each other. That’s what Bellamy didn’t understand about Finn. How could he think sacrificing himself would keep Clarke safe? Finn had left Clarke alone, he had abandoned her and told her it was all her fault because he did it for her love. Bellamy knew that’s not what love is. But maybe he knew more about love, thanks to Octavia. He knew the first rule to keeping someone safe was keeping yourself alive, so you could always be there. He knew people couldn’t survive as ideals or kept under floorboards, they needed room to be free. Clarke was an equal, not a prize. She needed to be supported, not protected. And that’s what Bellamy did. And he didn’t ask for anything in return. They both just accepted the holding, and the standing still.  


When the sky had turned as orange as the leaves when Clarke finally pulled away, wiping her shirt sleeve across her eyes, nose and mouth before glancing back up at Bellamy. Bellamy looked back at her, slightly dazed, unsure if he had crossed some unspoken boundary or not. The leaves fell between them.  


“What do we do?” Clarke asked.  


Bellamy paused, then sighed. “We wait to hear from Lexa. It wasn’t for nothing Clarke, she’ll come through.”  


Clarke nodded her approval and then glanced around them, silencing filling the space where their bodies had been touching moments before.  


“I don’t want to go back just yet.” Clarke said eventually. “I’m tired.” What she was tired of she did not say. Perhaps she didn’t know, perhaps it was too much to even express. Tired of responsibility, tired of leading, tired of pretending, tired of acting twice her age, tired of being strong, but whatever it was Bellamy understood perfectly, because he too was tired.  


“Whatever you want, Princess.”  


“I don’t want to be a princess anymore.” Clarke turned from him walking over to one the trees and collapsing against its roots. She wasn’t crying anymore, but she did look exhausted. Bellamy sat down beside her, their shoulders touching.  


“But I don’t know you as anything else,” Bellamy laughed to himself.  


Clarke smiled slightly, “ Well, hi, my name is Clarke.”  


Bellamy laughed again, “and I’m Bellamy. What do you do Clarke?”  


“I’m a painter.” Clarke replied suddenly looking sad again. “You?”  


“I’m a member of the guard by trade. But my favorite job is being a big brother.” Bellamy looked Clarke in the eyes and smiled, “I’ve never been able to tell anyone that before.”  


Clarke smiled to and reached out, grabbing Bellamy’s hand in her own. “That makes it all worth it,” Bellamy quirked his head to the side, confused.  


“We’re down here, living through this hell so that you can have a sister, Bellamy.”  


Suddenly Bellamy was grateful for Clarke he felt breathless. He took his hand from hers and wrapped his arm around her, holding her to his chest once more, and whispered in her ear, “Clarke, thank you. Thank you so much.”  


They fell asleep underneath the tree, clutched tight to each other. When they woke they could just catch stars winking at them between the tree branches. The last of the woods night blooming flowers intermingled with the scents of the leaves creating a soft, sweet perfume, and glowing fungi cast a faint green light across their path. For the moment all was gentle moonlight. She didn’t look at her hands, Bellamy held them until they could see camp.


End file.
